Will I ever be good enough? Coach your self-confidence now

Do you find yourself asking this question? If so, then you are not alone. At some point in life, most people will find themselves comparing their achievements to others and deciding that their place in the order of things is mediocre in comparison. Low self-worth is the plight that prevents very capable people from being able to move forward and to feel satisfied with what they have to offer the world. If you find that such self-berating and belittling thoughts preoccupy your mind, it is very likely that you are not enjoying life. Such self-defeating thoughts used habitually will make you anxious, stressed or depressed. What is more, if you don’t want to feel like a failure, then telling yourself you aren’t good enough is only going to make you feel like one, as it is precisely this kind of negative thinking that will prevent you from achieving success and attaining those important goals that will make you feel good about yourself.

So what’s the solution? Coaching methods developed from both Positive Psychology and Cognitive Behavioural therapies can help people grow both in their self-confidence and in their ability to achieve those goals that they never thought were possible. In fact, why not start coaching yourself now and change the way you are thinking about your capabilities.. for the better? Thinking habits can take a while to change, especially if they have been so carefully moulded over the years into their existing shape. However, they definitely can change and it is never too soon to start working on them. I present two important facts about using the words (or thoughts), "I am not good enough". One is that the statement is false, and another is that it is unhelpful.

1. You ARE good enough

Research by psychologists has shown that humans are not naturally destructive, nor are they predominantly compelled to repress negative experiences and thoughts. Instead, there is strong evidence that people are naturally inclined to reach their full potential and to become the best they can be. Given a nurturing and supportive social environment people are not hindered by self-doubt and feelings of low self-worth. We are all good enough. Trouble is, we live in a society that is obsessed with weaknesses and highlights people’s shortcomings. No wonder so many people do not really know what their natural strengths are! Success comes from knowing and growing your strengths. It doesn’t come from ignoring your natural talents and traits and working on your weaknesses. Take some time now to consider the following questions: “What did you love to do when you were a child?” “What do the people you have known well for years say about you?” As you reflect upon your answers to these questions, the behaviours and characteristics that start to spring to your mind will be providing signals as to where your strengths as an individual lie.

2. Encouraging self-talk is more useful than self-defeating thoughts

My mother taught me to say to myself, “I can and I will”, whenever I doubted my ability to try something new. This was sage advice indeed and I thank mum for that. Whilst positive affirmations can be helpful at times, even greater benefits can be achieved when you really believe those words. To believe them, you need to challenge them. Try to think now to a time when you felt extremely proud of yourself. This might be difficult at first as you have become so accustomed to thinking about your shortcomings that you might have those happy memories pushed to the back of your mind. Once you do trace those memories of accomplishment, it will remind you that there are times when you are indeed good enough and successful. It doesn’t matter what it was that made you proud, whatever it was that made you feel good about yourself can be revisited again but with new twist. So, for example, if you were proud of a meal you prepared you could decide to plan an occasion to prepare a special meal for friends or family. If you were proud of having successfully organised an event at work or planned your wedding, find an opportunity to put those planning and organisational skills to work again. Don’t wait for your boss or your family to give you a role. Instead, proactively see if you can find a way or create an opportunity for you to use those same character strengths or talents again in a new way.

If you want to become the best you can be, to stand tall and to be confident in yourself, then why not make a start on developing the self-talk that is real and beneficial to you? You are already good enough.

If you want some coaching to help you get there and to support you in accomplishing your valued goals, then email or text me to book your free consultation. I look forward to hearing from you and helping you to recognise and develop your own unique strengths. ceri.sims@positiveminds-alliance.com 07877048229.