Make New Year resolutions by focusing on you at your unique best

Whenever I end up in conversation around having New Year’s resolutions these days, the discussion usually dwindles out very quickly, either because people see NYRs as about as serious as Santa flying above chimneys with Rudolf and chums (ahem…kids under 16 look away) or they decide that anyone pursuing the matter of deprivation at this festive time of year when adults are finally allowed to be frivolous and excused from the usual pattern of slogging must be nuts!

To be honest, I am a firm believer in the phrase, ‘each to their own’ and I think a mocking attitude to NYRs is just fine. But in case you seriously would like to consider ways of changing an important life habit or if attaining that crucial goal really does matter to you, then perhaps, instead of knocking the ole NYRs, how’s about approaching them in a different way instead? I am not going to fill this blog with science, but I can vouch that all these suggestions below are backed up with some good lab coat filled evidence.

No. 1 – Positive goals

Many people fail at achieving their NYRs because their goals are negative or are avoidance goals – “I am going to stop drinking Gin”; “I am going to stop being moody.” One reason why goals like this don’t work is that they are goals you want to avoid or stop rather than objectives you strive to attain by doing more of. NYRs are best when they are reframed as positive outcomes such as “I will drink and eat healthy meals for 5 evenings a week”; “I will practice meditation and breathing to calm my thoughts for 20 minutes a day.” Notice too that the outcomes are specific and this is also very important: Factoring in the days and times during the week that you will carry out specific activities are far more likely to bring success that general statements such as “I am going to start going to the gym more”.

No. 2 – Strengths

NYRs are more likely to succeed if you can add to whatever already works well and when you aim to build upon the behaviours and attributes that are already you at your best than when you just try to focus on your weaknesses. For example, if you are someone who is a good listener and has a high level of empathy, but you are a person who finds doing your tax returns tedious, then a NYR that encourages you to develop your natural talents and aptitudes of social intelligence might be more worthwhile, meaningful and successful for you than focusing on trying to overcome your natural shortcomings of hating hours of working on detailed spreadsheets. At the very least, if procrastinating on important jobs such as completing assignments and doing accounts is really holding you back, then plan a way of overcoming this procrastination behaviour (maybe see a coach and focus on overcoming Procrastination and/or developing a balance in playing to your strengths) but focus on how you might use your strengths more as well. When we talk about changing, we are not trying to turn people into a ‘new me’ - instead think of NYRs as opportunities to explore and develop the best of who you are already.

No. 3 - Effort

Adopt a ‘growth mindset’ when you consider working towards a positive goal: success is not a reflection of whether you have a fixed set of talents or not. Whatever our strengths and talents we can only ever be successful when we are committed to give it 100%. A half hearted goal as an after thought on New Year’s Day is hardly going to last. NYRs that succeed or those that have been carefully considered in advance of New Year’s eve involve planning, effort and a conscious decision to remain completely committed to sticking with the course.

No. 4 – Self-Compassion

Often people give up their NYRs after a having a weak day or setback. Many NYRs are around health goals. People start by aiming to losing weight and then, after a day of giving in to the temptation of the Quality Street tin and the left over mince pies, they tell themselves that they have ‘failed’ and therefore, give up any further attempt to stick with the goal. Another example I come across are people who say they are going to do more exercise (run 3 times a week). They then suffer a virus for a week or two and give up the running. Through doing this they lose the pattern and confidence to get out there on the roads or treadmill again. A lot of this ‘giving up’ is due to people lacking self-compassion. NYRs work best when people are committed but are also are willing to give themselves a bit of slack when they have had a bad week. If you have had a rough week then remember, it is just a bad week. Next week can always be much better. So be kind to yourself. You are still an ambitious person. You have gone to the trouble of setting yourself a target. Good for you! Brush yourself down and get back out there again when the coast is clear…and don’t forget to surround yourself with people who are always encouraging you. Good luck!…You can do it.

Happy New Year

Ceri the Coach

www.positiveminds-alliance.com